Bout time Foooo

Pemba

I should have updated a while ago as a lot of things have been going on....but to be fair I was internet-less in Pemba (Northern Mozambique) for about 2 weeks. However, “Don’t cry for me Argentinaaaaaa” as Pemba was beautiful…beaches, beaches and more beaches…and I got to see some of rural Mozambique when visiting our projects in various districts….where I got my classic UNICEF pics in (see below).

Also went to a club in Pemba… in summary my clubbing experience was a mix CD on loop where you would hear the same song every 30 mins (I now hate the Black Eyed Peas), 8 ppl on the dance floor, then the French Navy men came in; and any stereotype you had about the French navy was pretty much satiated right there and then.

Life

Finally getting settled in terms of life; I now have internet at home and a bank account which are two huge feats to accomplish in 1 week…ok the bank account issue took 2 weeks where I now am no longer carrying around two months’ salary in my pocket…cant access it yet though, as my check books and online banking will take 2 more weeks (1 month in total to open and access a bank account)….America rocks in terms of efficiency.

Also, another sign of settling in is that I have befriended another of my large fore-headed brethren (aka Eritrean/Ethiopian)…who confirmed that THERE IS NO ETHIOPIAN/ERITREAN RESTAURANT IN MAPUTU! He did tell me I could take a 7 hr bus ride to Jo-burg in South Africa to get my grub on…seems like an extreme to cross international borders for some Habesha grub…but I may have to.

On a sadder more pensive note an Eritrean guy recognizes my own large forehead at a restaurant and after some small talk/introductions…asked me for some $ to cross into S.A….I was hesitant at first but is $6 really worth the mistrust in humanity….not really (call me gullible wtvr). It seems the more I stay on the continent issues facing my own country are becoming apparent. They also always seem to be popping up in random situations…..signs? Who knows.. what to do about it seems like a more difficult question to answer…but a question I feel obligated to tackle.

Pics

My first try in advertising...theme:Unicef-esk campaign..let the cheese begin

" I believe the children are our future...."-Sexual Chocolate, Coming to America

"Smile= the currency of the heart..."

"His dream is to be on dancing with the stars....will you tell him no?"

i dunno if i am cut out for the ad agencies...but here are some of my non Unicef-esk pics

View from my hotel room...yep...this was about the same time it was Snowpocalypse in DC area

Style...its not about where you are , it about who you are (damn that actually works as an ad)

Aiight peeps that is it for now....I am out...like the French navy

The one that got away...and the one that wont go away

So this is a story in two unrelated parts...

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
So you know how love/amor/lust/ whatever has this thing, where you always think of the one that got away. Sometimes you can be in another relationship and you may think of her...sometimes it just hits you and you think what a F up you are and how great things could have been.

Well the same holds true for spiders.

So I moved into my new place over the weekend and just as I opened the drawers .. I saw them... a GIANT MESSS of spiders...daddy long legs, Red ones, Black ones, mutant hybrids....all of them. Needless to say this FREAKED me out.

SO armed with DDT I cleaned and I sprayed, and I cleaned and I sprayed, and I cleaned and sprayed once more. However while I was cleaning there was this GIANT black spider...I smacked the mofo with shoe..and when i turned around he escaped...then I saw him chilling on my closet....and i sprayed him...and he disappeared into my clothes.

Later that night as I was about sleep..i see the mofo again...and I cant stop thinking about it...he kept me up till 3am trying to kill him. Each time I put on my clothes...crawl under the mosquito net...I see him...waiting, watching. So for the last few days...I shake out my clothes, shake out my shoes...empty my satchel and pack it up again...all cuz of the one that got a way. Sometimes I wake up at night think where he is...what he is doing...if its poisonous...when it will get me....and sometimes I feel a sliver of the spider web he weaves...

And as I am sure some of you with lost love ones can relate...its torture.

And as you star crossed lovers have said after years of meeting up randomly with the one that left you and got away

"Fuck you ...and fuck me for letting you live!" (kung fu chop!!)
-Star crossed lovers and spider killers everywhere

Cuz to day was the day I saw him...and i did what I had to do....I killed him.


THE ONE THAT WONT GO AWAY

This one is an actual person.

Over the weekend I was walking to work to get some stuff done...and I see her from a distance..

5'5, honey colored skin, angular face, overall fine. She is wearing this long skirt with a bikini top...kind of hoeish if you saw it in DC...but Maputo is by ocean..and its hot..perfectly understandable....right?

So anyway...I was walking behind her thinking this chick could def be a model...and how not creepy this is cuz my work is in the same direction (god surely looks out for those who work on the weekends).

Anyway maybe the world moves slow for fine girls cuz she was a slow walker...and as much as it pained me so...I gots to pass her cuz i gots to go earn my paper. So as I pass her the god that looks out for weekend workers smiles down upon me again ..as the honey colored skin girl (HCSG) says...

"uhmm Bon Dia??" (Hello ..literally good day)
Me: Uhmm Hi
HCSG: You from here?
Me: No I am from Eritrea
HCSG: Ok...what you do in Maputo
Me: I am actually going to work right now..I work for an NGO
HCSG: Work on sunday?! Why?
Me: Ohh just trying to catch up...actually this is my work here.
HCSG: Ok so maybe you can call me sometimes...
Me: (ohhh yeah i still got it) sure. (we exchange phone numbers)

So once my ego settles down...i start thinking..hmmm that was interesting. That was also too easy...I hope she is not a Ho. But why would I think that she was a nice girl...pretty...and friendly...damn if an American girl did that would I think the same?! No! So why here...why now...i need to have more faith in ppl.

Then 2 hrs later I get a call. HCSG is asking me what time I get off work. Maybe we can meet up at a bar near by or at her place. I tell her I am still working and maybe another time.

FUCK ...I just got picked up by a HO!

So later that night I get two more missed calls from HCSG. On Monday 5 missed calls.....and on tuesday 6 missed calls and the best text EVER...

"that loving gaze,
i need from you my heart seeks to live in you heart
keep smiling at me just like this..."

I couldnt stop laughing and thinking WTF when reading the text. Ohh well lesson learned dont give your number to a girl whose eye's light up when she finds out what you do for a living...no matter how fine she is.

I am out like your milk, after you have already poured yourself a bowl of cereal.
-A

Call me Vasco..

Vasco da Gamma that is...except the black and on foot version of the explorer/navigator.

So yesterday I decided to venture out and discover some things in beautiful Maputo. Some general observations so far...

1) Maputo is beautiful (pics below)
2) Mozambicans are beautiful (no pics below cuz trying to take pics of ppl without their noticing or consent is hard...and awkward when they do catch you trying..)
3) I will never make long term moves to cold places.
4) Mozambicans are hot!

so onward to the pics.......

Set one- Old abandoned Portuguese villa next to my hotel. Also was used as a former torture center during the Mozambican civil war in the 90's...probably explains why no one has done anything on the site. Architecture buffs prepare to " Jizzz in yo pants...." -a la SNL










































































































Aiight, now that the architecture buffs are satisfied...this is all for my peeps in the north either DC with that east coast winter..... or London town with that London summer....or anywhere cold for that matter :-P

Sea side...palm trees....villas...and murals...


















































































































































































Well thats it for now....and no those villas are not where I live.

I'm out like Google from China (educate urselves--> bbc news homies)...
-Peayce!

Ch Ch Ch CHANGES

Well.. as most of know....I am moving to MOZAMBIQUE!!
So in honor of these changes I have done a pretty terrible job at trying to update my site to a better template in honor of a better yr.

As I am still in transit I have no crazy stories to tell as of yet...but i have memories of the past few weeks and then some...

Fav Kenya Memory:

Beza aka Arch Nemesis: "D as in Dildo"

amongst many other memories...but for some reason that one sticks out...note the pun.

DC Memories over the past few weeks
~*~*~*~
Father's advice on meeting a girl:
"Maybe you will meet a girl who needs her papers"...apparently its become this bad.
~*~*~*
Shreya...aka best navigator of 2009

Navigation system: TURN RIGHT
Me: Uhmm where do I go again?
Shreya: Turn LEFT
Me: I thought the navigation system said turn RIGHT
Shreya: YES but AFTER the LEFT

15 mins of getting lost later...

Shreya: uhmmmmmm

~*~*~*~*
Fav Roadtrip memory with Reg and Matt

Me: I think I am nauseous
Reg: Really??
Me: *Proceed to Barf in Reg's Car*

--Note Hookah and Wendy's do not mix---
~*~*~

Fav Immigration memories..

"Please note your file is now located in San Fransisco"

WTF!!

~*~*~


Least favorite memory/current situation...trying to get over my hatred of public restrooms...


I am out like legwarmers were in the 80's but might come back again 20 yrs later some a bizarre reason
-Peayce.!

My Peoples be slightly racist....

ok when i say my peoples.....I am including both Eritreans and Ethiopians....actually this prolly also could branch out to the entire horn-Somalia, Djibouti and North Sudan as well.

So over the weekend my archnemesis and I were chillin with Wai and her friend Abdi. Eventually the discussion truned to Habesha people ...and how we as a people are a bit elitist..especially when it comes to other Africans.

Example working in Kenya..Habesha person in Ethiopia or Eri says

Habesha peeps: Ohhh you are working in AFRICA! How is it working in AFRICA?? -Said in a facinating "the dark continent" Indian Jones and the temple of doom sort of tone)

Me (thought process): Uhmmm homie...aint you in Africa as well.

Although archnemesis and I tried to defend our peeps as best we could. Explaining there is a different history..and maybe the horn doesnt fit into the Western Stereotypes (YES we blamed the white man!!!) of the peoples of Africa, so maybe the horn feels the need to distance itself....yada yada yada....

this was all BS!!!! Why?

Well the next day we were at Habeshas...my favorite Eri/Ethio food grub place in Kenya. So archnemesis doesnt speak Amharic (ethiopian) very well...and also is slightly darker than what the average image of Ethiopians/Eritreans are (...see where this is going)

SO...as we were talking to the waiter...archnemesis said something in Amharic...and the waiter looks at her STUNNED!

(paraphrased convo)
Habesha Waiter: Are you ETHIOPIAN?!?!!?

Archnemesis: Yes I am. I grew up mostly in the states and dont speak Amharic very well.

Habesha Waiter: ..i thought you were "African"...and I was thinking...wow how is this "African" so pretty?? Where did she get these Eyes from...and where did she get that nose from. Now that I know you are Ethiopian...it makes sense.

*note this guy was serving us for the last 30 mins or so...and thinking that Archnemesis was "African" must have rocked his motha F'in world)


Archnemesis and I: Yeaaaaah... :-/

We were meeting Wairimu and Abdi that same day ....and explained...yeah we as a ppl be racist. Sorry.


*~* note...this does not mean all Eri/Ethiopian ppl or ppl from the Horn are racist...it just means that...culturally we have some racist stereotypes.

BACK on track

Now that the immigration process aka the 9th circle of hell is almost over, and I am back in Kenizzy...... back to the updates.

The flight to Nairobi was probably the worst connections in the world. And those cheeky bastards at the travel agency didnt let me know i had a second stop over in Bujumbura. Where the F is that...its in Burundi according to Wikipedia...its ok i didnt know either.

So i get to my first stop in Brussels...and they tell me the flight to Bujumbura has been canceled. Why? B/c they could not fill the plane. Why? B/c who goes to Bujumbura. So my route is now Turkey then Nairobi. Chances of luggage getting lost 99% Brussles airline service counter tells me that there is 99% chance that it wont get lost. Sure.

Arrived in Nairobi at 1am. Waited for luggage till 3:30am...filled out a lost luggage form that was entered in the computer 5 times...finished at 4:00am with the odd feeling that my luggage is somewhere in Bujumbura.

Stepped out of the airport and was harassed by weird Cop who kept asking me where I am from. Second cop came in and pretty much said the following things that I understood that were not swahili

"swahili, swahili, SOMALIA, swahili, swahili, MOGDISHU".

So I said I dont have time to go through the process is there a "fine" I can pay....500 shillings down the drain. Its now 4:30 am and the bribed cops help me find a credible taxi...and leave me with the comforting words

" So we know who to look for if he kidnaps you."

Reach guest house at 5:30am

Fastforward to Sunday...go back to the airport get my luggage.

Luggage carrier says it will be a long wait for my luggage as he needs to stand at the counter doing nothing till the Emirites flight lands. 200shillings later he hands me my luggage. With the following comforting words..

"Wow you got both your missing bags. You must be VERY lucky. Congrats my friend."

Current Feeling: Oddly glad to be back.

" And she said that'll be 60 bucks.....

... Now you've officially been chopped and screwed.." T-PAIN

I dont know if T-Pain was talking about the scene in Kenya..but that song if (you know it) has some truth in Nai to the Robi.

On to the story....

Scene:Out last week celebrating me getting my American papers (hells YEAH!!) and my Arch Nemesis' b-day.. broken down in 2 parts

Hilariousness part 1.

Me and Arch Nemesis were talking about the Greasy Greeks we saw at the hookah place last night...with his giant stomach and equally giant bling. This guy had his hands all over a girl half his age..who didnt seem to mind at all.

I am not trying to judge...but i think its safe to say she was either looking for a sugar daddy/$$$ or as T-Pain put ..."that'll be 60 bucks"

So fate being what it is...at this other place...there was a girl sharing the same table as us. She was silently sippin on her drink...and sippin...and sippin....and then we saw it....

Scene:50+ yr old white guy...aimlessly standing ...15 meters away

10 meters away.....and getting closer...

5 meters... and closer....

BINGO!!

Much like the following....

"BE VEWWWY VEWWWY QUIET. ITS WABBIT SEASON!"

Anywhoo...as he gets right next to her...and stares at her...and stares some more. (kind of like discovery channel lion attacks...but creepier......more like Elmer Fudd)Finally she realizes he is looking.

I think she is gonna give him the finger and blow him off....to my surprise she gives him the come hither look...

At this point he uses the best line EVER!!!!!! (which I will also use in DC)

Elmer: Are you hungry.

Girl: What??

Elmer: Do you want something to eat??????

Girl: Okay :-)

* proceed to get cosy with a few drinks*

(me: O_O *shock*)

Hilariousness 2

So at this point Arch Nemesis and I are talking Amharic about the situation. Never expecting that this would happen infront of us....although they are in their own little world...

*note if any Ethio/Eritrean is speaking in their own language when you know they know English...prolly better than they do Amharic or Tigrigna .....its probably about you. Sorry*

....at this point our friend Wairimu ( UVa-OAS alum connection) shows up...

and because we were sharing a bar table...after saying hi to us...Wairimu goes over to the SKETCH 50+ white guy and his Baby..babybaaah (jah rule voice)

..extends her hand with the happy sing songy (if you know Wairimu voice)...

Wai: HEY I AM WAIRIMU! *Shakes Hands*

*interrupting his.."do you wanna eat" mojo*

50+ guy and girl: uhhhmmmm hello.

Wai: Hi! *still happy*

Arch Nemesis and I: O_O (shocked that 50+ guy and our worlds have collided)...uhmm we dont know them.

Wai: OHHH....(prolly understanding the "situation") LOL. OK.

*50+ guy and his lady go back to doin what they do*

~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~

So now yall know the situation in Nairobi.....how can you tell if someone is interested or tryin to make a dolla outta 15 cents....Conundrum!!!!!

ANDDDDD.....how do these old farts just...do what they do..

...in the wise words of my Momma right b4 I left the States

Mom: Dont get HIV or AIDs....bye!!!!