Tuesday, July 21, 2009

" And she said that'll be 60 bucks.....

... Now you've officially been chopped and screwed.." T-PAIN

I dont know if T-Pain was talking about the scene in Kenya..but that song if (you know it) has some truth in Nai to the Robi.

On to the story....
Scene:Out last week celebrating me getting my American papers (hells YEAH!!) and my Arch Nemesis' b-day.. broken down in 2 parts

Hilariousness part 1.

Me and Arch Nemesis were talking about the Greasy Greeks we saw at the hookah place last night...with his giant stomach and equally giant bling. This guy had his hands all over a girl half his age..who didnt seem to mind at all.
I am not trying to judge...but i think its safe to say she was either looking for a sugar daddy/$$$ or as T-Pain put ..."that'll be 60 bucks"


So fate being what it is...at this other place...there was a girl sharing the same table as us. She was silently sippin on her drink...and sippin...and sippin....and then we saw it....


Scene:50+ yr old white guy...aimlessly standing ...15 meters away
10 meters away.....and getting closer...
5 meters... and closer....
BINGO!!
Much like the following....
"BE VEWWWY VEWWWY QUIET. ITS WABBIT SEASON!"














Anywhoo...as he gets right next to her...and stares at her...and stares some more. (kind of like discovery channel lion attacks...but creepier......more like Elmer Fudd)Finally she realizes he is looking.
I think she is gonna give him the finger and blow him off....to my surprise she gives him the come hither look...

At this point he uses the best line EVER!!!!!! (which I will also use in DC)

Elmer: Are you hungry.

Girl: What??

Elmer: Do you want something to eat??????

Girl: Okay :-)


* proceed to get cosy with a few drinks*

(me: O_O *shock*)



Hilariousness 2

So at this point Arch Nemesis and I are talking Amharic about the situation. Never expecting that this would happen infront of us....although they are in their own little world...


*note if any Ethio/Eritrean is speaking in their own language when you know they know English...prolly better than they do Amharic or Tigrigna .....its probably about you. Sorry*

....at this point our friend Wairimu ( UVa-OAS alum connection) shows up...

and because we were sharing a bar table...after saying hi to us...Wairimu goes over to the SKETCH 50+ white guy and his Baby..babybaaah (jah rule voice)
..extends her hand with the happy sing songy (if you know Wairimu voice)...

Wai: HEY I AM WAIRIMU! *Shakes Hands*

*interrupting his.."do you wanna eat" mojo*

50+ guy and girl: uhhhmmmm hello.

Wai: Hi! *still happy*

Arch Nemesis and I: O_O (shocked that 50+ guy and our worlds have collided)...uhmm we dont know them.

Wai: OHHH....(prolly understanding the "situation") LOL. OK.

*50+ guy and his lady go back to doin what they do*

~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~


So now yall know the situation in Nairobi.....how can you tell if someone is interested or tryin to make a dolla outta 15 cents....Conundrum!!!!!


ANDDDDD.....how do these old farts just...do what they do..


...in the wise words of my Momma right b4 I left the States


Mom: Dont get HIV or AIDs....bye!!!!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Consistancy..................

...is not my middle name. I should have updated the blog a wizzzile ago....

So far things have been pretty cool. There is another intern with me now living in the guest house...from......drum roll please .....ETHIOPIA!


So...usually I am excited to have a fellow Habesha in the house but...as I have become more and more ERITREAN decided to support my country and plot her demise.


Plan-A

(Arrival ...July 3)

Arch nemesis: Wow I am so glad there is another Ethiopian here

Me: UHHMMMM NO.....I AM ERITREAN! Do we look alike or summin?!?!

Arch nemesis: O_O (dumfounded)

Reality

Arch nemesis: Hey are you Habesha (general term for Ethio or Eritreans)

Me: (Thinking......f********K) Yes. (damn you arch nemesis *fist up in the air*)


All in all she did turn out to be aiight....but dammit I want an arch nemesis >_<


Plan B

· Quote from Eritrean Liberation Speeches daily,

· Pretend its Eritrean Independence day every other day,

· Explain that Ethiopia is really part of Eritrea not the other way around,

· and always start my sentences off with "When I was deported from Ethiopia.."


In other news...I have realized that the blog is lacking in pics...other than Mubarek the camel (above). So i have decided to upload some pics of a partner assessment I was part of a few weeks back in Africa's largest slum ....KIBERA (forget S.E. DC)

*Captions are my own take on things ...reality (as always is secondary with moi) is in parenthesis...






Miles of slums ( Reality: Miles and MILES of slums..bigger population than Eritrea's Capital Asmara)

















Slum mistress scoping out the territory to make sure there are no BLOODs in her area

"I keep a blue flag hanging out my backside, but only on the left side, yeah that's the crip side"

(
Reality: Cute Girl)














"THIS IS A STICK UP FOO!!"-My mugger

(reality: Cute kid 2)
































The Front for the Khat production facility

(Reality: Partner facility, converting human waste into cooking/heating gas. Also serves as a safe sanitation facility for Women and Children in a place where the ratio is about 50-500 people to a latrine)

















Sure she looks like she is boiling water...but its way more sinister...i see U!!!! I SEE U!!!!!! >_< (Reality: Boiling water...supposedly >_<)











Slum KING!!!!!

(Reality: Founder of Bio center NGO...born and raised in Kibera...still keeps it gangsta though)




















The other side....where the White Folk live...

(Reality: Where the White Folk Live)



~*~*

Thats it for now my peeps......i'll update more consistantly next time...fo sho.

-A