Sunday, November 28, 2010

I’m going to Mombasa…benvenidos a Mombasaaaa

If anyone actually keeps up with the blog, u must hate the flow cuz my updates are sporadic as my writing style. Anyway I am making a firm commitment to post at least once a week, b.c it makes me happy and hopefully serves as a fun read for you as well.

Anyway, this was written in the new Maputo international airport for the first leg of my journey and I must say I was a bit apprehensive of my new surroundings. Why? If you have never been to the old Maputo airport, it was the bee’s knees….correction….for my travel needs it was the bees knees.

Technology? No. Customer service? Average. Shopping? Minimal selection. Overall? Mediocre.

However that was the best part, no real hassle at all- no immigration official giving u the evil eye; no HUGE security; staying an extra 15 mins in line while ur Western passport holders waltz through , it really is a no frills get it over with place. This is probably due to the lack of high security checks and the like; but while it might not be the most secure flight, it def works for me. I also a firm believer that unless a terrorist wants to be laughed at the terrorist convention, no one is gonna bomb/hijack flights from Mozambique (knock on wood).

Then comes this fancy new Maputo International Airport…and I did not appreciate it at all… it was impeding on my baby, the old Maputo intl (now Maputo domestic..ohh how far the mighty have fallen). However I was pleasantly surprised and it too was a no frills no hassle airport. I partially blame the lack of training on the new tech at the airport-while entering my info at the check in counter, the guy gave the comp the “WTF?” look …again repeated at security...which were both answered with an…”uhhhh just go through.”

However…my love is like J-Lo…it don’t cost a thing, but u can fool me by the rocks that u got, cuz I am Aman from the block…I am not easly fooled by Maputo International Airport.

I do think at some point my fellow Africans will be trained on the technology, and the WTF looks will turn into “step aside please”…and alas Maputo, the no hassle airport, will be converted into….Maputo FML international….like all the other international airports, especially JFK.


Wow that was a long ass post on just the airport....so....I am out like Jenny from the block…

Wait!!!!! I thought this was about Mombasa, says the avid reader…to which I reply-please see earlier references on my ability to entertain a single train of thought. Tune in next time for ….

“Mombasa the return!!!” (need to know how include Chinese –esk roman alphabet on blogspot)

Monday, October 4, 2010

Creative lying...

now dont get your panties in a bunch; recently my lying has increased since I got a car. The reason...well I am in a habit of lying to govt. officials (in the states it was immigration-how long have u been out the country for?) and now in Moz its the Police. However, rather than the irritation I felt when lying to immigration, lying to Mozambican police is now one of my favorite past times-at least the past three times its happned.

To give you a bit of contextual background, people are often (not always) stopped for a bribe-not only in Moz, but in Kenya, Ethiopia, Guatemala, pretty, much most developing countries. Usually the po-pos try and find a half reasonable excuse for a bribe (seatbelts, license, windshield wipers, have you drank a beer, etc.)-that is when you have to use your creative thinking aka lying skills to see if you can get away with it...or at least provide an interesting story


Story#1-Dont mess with a Muslim brother!!!
Scene-Roomate and I coming from Rua de Arte-unfortunately a serious dosage of expats and bad dancing- lame night... until we get stopped by our friendly neighborhood bribe looking Policia, grrrreat

Police: License, Registration, and identification
Me: Ok
Police: Why is your friend not wearing a seat belt
Me: We just left a friends house-lie #1; but you know my friend is from Canada, they love rules so much, they cant get enough of them. You know and I know that they like wearing seat belts he just forgot. But honestly he LOVES seatbelts!-lie#2
Police: Ok...have you been drinking (clearly weirded out by me).
Me:Are you serious, look at my name! It says Aman(peace in Arabic)! You know I am muslim, and we do not drink, I am muslim. (insert serious face)-lie#3 (not really muslim)
Police: Ofcourse, yes we dont need to test you (what test??) but your friend here (who is not driving).
Me: Well he is not driving, but please he is from Canada!-clearly i must have been at least tipsy-
Police: Ok ...ok just leave....
Me: Ma'Sallama (goodbye in arabic)

Story#2 I hope he doesnt read english
Police: License and registration
Me: Pull out my expired american license (i am too lazy to get the international one)
Police: What license is this?
Me: Its an American International license -Lie#1
Police: No it is not
Me: Yes it is; see a lot of people were forging the international licenses like the ones you see, so you have to scan it to know that it is one, using the machine. We can go scan it at the police station if you have the scanner-lie#2
Police: It does not say international
Me: Pointing at the endorsements/organ donor section (which say none). See here is says No restrictions, which means I can drive anywhere. Lie#3
Police: Ok, drive slower next time

Story#3-no license, no id, just me and my bag of trix
Police: License and registration
Me: Ohh I forgot my license, and I forgot my documents as well
Police: Well........
Me: Its ok, lets go the embassy my dad is the Ambassador of Sudan (is there even a sudanese embassy here?!?!)-lie#1
Police: You are not driving a diplomatic car
Me: I know, it belongs to a friend. We can also go to the police station no problem, let me call my dads secretary and they can meet you there.
Police: What is your name (pretending to take it down)
Me: Aman Mubarak (name of my fav camel in Eritrea) Walad Abdulrahim
Police:....
Me:....
Police: Just go.


and that my friends is how its done. Please dont pay the bribe though, it just encourages them to stop more people for $ next time. If you are in the wrong either use your creative thinkning or demand to go to the police station, and do things the right way (yes I am a hypocrite....shooot i aint payin money).

I am out and about like a boy scout fising for some trout ...( rapping 101-everyone needs a hobby)

Monday, August 23, 2010

Looking back, lookin' back, lookin' back, lookin' back

Ahhh Lauren Hill u r a classic.

Anyway this post was inspired by the great L.H. and is bit more personal with less scial commentary. I have decided at the ripe old age of 25 I need to do a life audit...perhaps go away to some beach resort (dont u mofos wish u were in the big Mz) and think about where I am heading, and where I want to be on a lot of levels personally, spiritually, financially, and career wise. Maybe draw up a 3 pager of findings and reccomendations KPMG and PWC style...yep i am def a geek at that level.

Dont get me wrong, I am digging my job and I am probably working for one of the few organizations that really invests in specific regions and combines good will with private sector know how to create a holistic way to development, which is something i fully suppot. BUT there are still things I want to do or see and figure out....and a life audit is calling.

A sneak peak from my musings...and some advice (yes i have words of wisdom...)

1) The name is just a name. I (rather my parents) chose the school I went to just based of its reputation and my sis' experience. Rather than look at my full scholarship (and then some) at a lessor known school, i took a partial scholarship at a well respected school. The school was great! The 40k student loan...not so great. Make decisions on whats best for you... dont try and keep up with the Jones'...infact F*&K the Jones' i never liked their ass anyway.

2) Take a risk- My last boss was awesome...the job was ok....the pay was good. So 2.5/3 is not bad...right...wrong. I saw the job as a stepping stone to the field position (a job abroad). Try and try as I might, what I wanted to do was not exactly panning out. Eventually I decided to *fist bump +peace sign* and rolled. For what? A $500 a month internship in Kenya. My parents were def not extatic about my decision to go from mid career intern...my student loan pimp Sallie Mae def was pissed...my car loans were 2 thirds of my new salary. 6 months after taking this risk i got the full time position i had been trying to get for the last 2 years. Yes luck plays a huge factor in all of this....but honestly u need to roll the dice before u score the winning hand (you can quote me on that).

3) Get a foynnnnn girl. Aint nothing wrong with that.

However there are still improvements to be made as well as documenting and dissiminating these lessons learned (grahh development speak).

That is it for now...I am out like Flash Gordon (we can only be friends if u know who that is)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Fist Bump your way to a healthier, more professional, and cooler life style

Some say it started with the wonder twins...





Others say the black power movement...






...

Now people (Me) say it’s part of Obama’s Health care approach…










~~
While all theories are appealing…especially the wonder twins, it is time to take this “urban act and recognize it for what it is, an advanced, healthier, and more professional form of greeting your peers/associates/colleagues. Alas with all things black (even though the wonder twins weren’t black..they were aliens…still a minority) their popularity takes time to be accepted by the rest of humanity…..fools when will you all listen, we invented Peanut Butter!! Anyway this is not another post about blackness…this is about the superiority of the Fist Bump and how we need to get with the program and replace the ohh so inferior handshake….

First and foremost the fist bump is healthy. You really don’t use your knuckles for much on a day to day basis. While the handshake involves the meeting of your trusted fingers and palms ….sweaty, greasy, ashy, dirty ..u gotta shake on it,adjust your contacts with it, touch your kids with it and then eat with it. I will let my med school friends explain to you how many ways you can get die by a handshake.
Also there is another absolute fact, in most non western countries “digging for gold”…”discovering the yellow crusty dragon” …”hunting for bogies”…or rather picking your nose, is a widely practiced habit.….again u r forced to shake on it :-/
Never mind that the Director of XYZ program has just picked his nose…flicked the golden nugget…and extended his hand to shake yours in the same 4 seconds. ..you may loose your job by saying “uhhhh u nassssty” …until the fist-bump becomes your ally for a professional way of saying hello.
Finally the fist bump is classsssssy. Or at least what I think is classy. A part of the “yellow fever phase” the west has glorified the Japanese bow looking at it with all its intricacies….social taboos…and psychology of humility.
The fist bump also has its intricacies....
1) The black power fist aka the air fist bump
When you are not close enough or passing too quickly to do a proper fist bump, you just throw up the fist. Especially in the office where people are running off in different directions, the air fist bump signifies a quick “I feel ya man”


2) The fist bump + peace sign
Want to say a quick good bye? Combine the fist bump with a peace out sign, and people know you gots roll.


3) The slow mo fist bump
Havn’t seen your peeps for a min. Slow mo the fist bump…and you know you r gonna have an extended convo.

So mis amigos...plz upgrade your life and fist bump a brother or sister today.
-I am out like this public service announcement *Fist bump + Peace sign*
PS. Did anyone hear that they are going to make a live action film on the wondertwins starring Jessica Alba and Dane Cook. What a lame idea...ughh the wonder twins?!!?!?

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Black/African Expats in Africa....WTF mayte?

We EXIST….expats that are either black or are African living/working in Africa. This normally should be a straight forward thinking with zero interesting points….alas the weird ass society that we live in has made it a hilarious hot mess. You can distinguish this hot mess through many of the ohhh too familiar scenes I have come accross in Moz….

1) The I love helping the poor Africans so much I can’t believe there are educated black folk
Ok that was harsh, but with great power comes great responsibility, and with you Masters degree comes my low tolerance for your ignorant a$$. If you will imagine (not really cuz it happens a lot)


Scene 1- Office, black international development worker doing his thang…until his boss comes in and it begins.
Boss: Hi Aman I would like you to meet Frank Sinatra from our Geneva office.
Frank.S: (in the worst accent possible..) Bom dia, muito pracer!!!
Me: (In my most American accent) Hi, nice to meet you my name is Aman.
Frank.S: Hello….Gusto Mozambique!
Me: Hehe me too…
(Hours later)
Frank.S: You speak English very well!
Me: I am American (well I am Eritrean, but wtf…I am now an American)
Frank.S: Ohhhh but you look very Mozambican!!! (meaning you are black)
Me: riiight....


2) The I only talk to white guys black girl
Scene 2- Neon lit cafĂ©/bar called Dolce Vita (seriously life is a lil too dolce when u still use the neon lights in the day)...chillin with White friend, doing what men do at Bars…scopin..which eventually turns to casual convo with two girls
Girl 1- Where are you guys from?
Friend- I am Canadian but my Dad is Portuguese
Me: -I am from Eritrea (passing the usual where the hell is that convo), but I just came from the states
Girl 1- Nudges the slightly disappointed looking girl…"summin summin…es Americano!”
Girl2- Face says it all –I aint convinced bring out them papers!- as she watches a blond god go by

ahhh Dolce Vita, thanks for the reminder how dolce la vita really is.

3) The I don’t really talk to Mozambicans, and just hang out with the same people I used to in my own country, but now I am just doing it in an African country
Scene 2- Friends introducing friends at a bar

Me: Hi my name is Aman (being the only black person in a group of friends, when you are in a 99.9% black country is pretty weird)
Friends: Ohhh Hi
Me: Hey
Friends: Where are you from?
Me: Eritrea (again skipping the discussions on where the hell is that?)
Friends: Ohh but you have a very American accent
Me: Yeah I went to school in the states for the last decade or so
Friends: :) !!!! (We can be friends…hello AMERICAN!)
~
Who knows maybe living in America has made me hyper sensitive to race, and I just need to sit down and let the social oddities take their course…however the proactive person in me wants to write a scathing article on Foreign Affairs magazine or the Economist on black foreign aid workers. I guess that requires use of proper English and grammar…. le sigh...this world wasn’t made for ESL grads….

-I am out like a baby from the vagina (creativity is at a low point today) Payce!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Happenings

...I know I suck with the updates, I dont even know why...well actually I do its proposal season in the international development world which means my schedule will take on slave like attributes till October.

Anyway lots and lots of happenings. I ended up going to World Cup with my arch-nemesis aka fellow intern from the Kenya days that was stealing my thunder with her Ethiopianess... confused?

Ok scenario...you know when white ppl go to an exotic far out place and see another white person from their country...suddenly the place goes down a notch from their encounter of their fellow country men. Its the same with Habesha (eri/ethio) peeps...

Anyway pardon my add and back to the World Cup updates which will be split up into unrealted mini stories for your reading pleasure...and the fact that I can entertain a continuous stream of thinking..

1) Mo and Dillan
Mo (Mohamed) and Dillan are fellow americans from Oklahoma that we met in Moz. The interesting part is Mo and Dillan went to Punto de Oro soak up the legendary beaches of Moz. Unfortunately they were caught driving on the beach which is HIGHLY illegal with a $600 fine each! In their moment of desperation they decided to call me so I could put them in contact with the American embassy. I asked the secretary for the American embassy number...unfortunately for them it turned out to be the Algerian embassy of all places....lesson learned in an emergency dont call me :-P Luckily they "paid" a smaller fine of a bottle of whiskey after placing a call to the son of the prime minister who they knew in Oklahoma...why is the son of the prime minister of Moz. doing in OK....who knows..prolly some misguided information on America. (again proof that my idea of lonely planet guide to America for NON AMERICANS would be a hit!)

2) The Jo-burg Gabonian
So we are in Jo burg a few days b4 our tix to the game. Our crew which consisted of my Ethio Arch Nemisis, a Ugandan Med Student, and a 50+ UK Rasta. Anyway our troupe of random mofos did not know how to catch the public transport in Jo-burg....so the Rata dude decided to ask this rather large Gabonian in an S class Mercedes for a ride. Oddly enough he obliged. Even stranger, he wanted to charge us 30 Rand about $5.50 for the ride...ask yourself why would a guy diving an S class Mercedes charge us 5 bucks??? Eventually we negotiated it to 20 rand $4 a head to get driven around in a S Class. So as we engaged in conversation with this strange fellow on what he does ..it was "import/export" aka African for criminal activities. Luckily we were not driven to a back ally and gutted out for our organs to be sold on the Nigerian Black Market....still not summin to do a second time around.

3) World Cup game and Arch Nemesis almost gets JACKED!
We went to the Argentina vs. Nigeria game...no crazyness here...it was a great game and just being there was an amazing moment. As we were leaving...we came to a stop at the crosswalk. As we were waiting this lady kept bumping into Arch Nemesis over and over.....fortunately we noticed that this lady was secretly knifing Arch Nemesis' purse and cutting a hole into it. As Arch nemesis was shocked by this whole event and was trying to flag the police....crazy baglady disappeared into the crowd. So hold onto your shit. 10 mins later Mc Donalds...a dude just put his hand in Arch Nemesis' purse and tried to snatch her ish! WTF jo-burg....i guess its WC though so opportunities are everywhere. Overall though Jo-burg was fairly safe but i think these failed attempts ruined the night a lil

4) Gypsy Partaaaaay
So i did it....i met random ppl through Couch Surfing.com It was great and def will repeat cuz they were cool peeps. Anyway couch surfing crew introduced me to some ppl who were throwing a Gypsy partay....apparently by real Gypsies. The music was Gypsy house music and a live gypsy band singing some sweeet sweeet Romanov tunes. I talked to one of the hosts and apparntly they are part of a traveling Gypsy group that goes around the world hosting parties with a gypsy flavor. It was a blast...i highly recommend going if you hear about a gypsy party in your neck of the woods. Although the sci-fi kid in me wondered if they were really vampires and they did this thing to lure fresh blood into their areas.....why....cuz there were some strange old looking gypsies that gave me the creeps. Who knows....still recommend it!


....there is a lot more to write...but I gots to get back to my massa of the day Global Fund HIV/TB proposal.

I am out like vanilla coke, thank GOD they stopped with that nonsense it was naassstay!!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Drug Kingpin Laws

So I got the following e-mail in my inbox at work today....

------

To: All Mission Employees

Subject: US Department of Treasury Designation of Mozambican National, Mohamed Bachir Suleman, MBS, as a “Drug Kingpin

On June 1, 2010, the President of the United States identified Mozambican national, Mohamed Bachir Suleman (“MBS”), as a significant foreign narcotics trafficker or “drug kingpin”, pursuant to the Foreign Narcotics Kingpin Designation Act. The law is intended to apply economic and financial sanctions against significant drug traffickers through denying their organizations or commercial enterprises access to the U.S. financial system and to the benefits of trade and financial transactions involving U.S. persons and businesses.

Under the Kingpin Act, U.S. persons (citizens, legal permanent residents, and U.S. companies or organizations) and their subsidiaries are prohibited from engaging in unlicensed transactions with foreign persons and entities on the Kingpin list. U.S. persons face criminal and civil penalties should they violate this prohibition.

The U.S. Mission to Mozambique is considered a U.S. person and, therefore, it, its entities or employees cannot engage in any business or other transactions with or within:

1.Mohamed Bachir Suleman (“MBS”),

2.Grupo MBS Limitada, a holding company of several merchandising stores located in Mozambique;

3.Grupo MBS – Kayum Centre, a retail store located in Maputo, Mozambique; and

4.Maputo Shopping Centre (all establishments within are “off-limits”)

To be clear--this designation bars U.S. persons, as defined above, from engaging in transactions with the above individual and his affiliates or businesses. Further, Locally Employed Staff (LES) while on duty or who are carrying out work on behalf of the U.S. Government are subject to the same restrictions. LES that are not U.S. citizens or U.S. legal permanent residents are not prohibited from engaging in personal transactions (non-work related) with MBS and the companies listed. However, we strongly encourage all employees of the US Mission or any of its entities not to do business with Mohamed Bachir Suleman or any of his business interests.

-------

To be honest I have heard many rumors around this shopping center. That a friend of a friend had purchased a TV and it was not working so he opened it up to see the problem and it was full of drugs, then had exchanged it for $25k and a 4X4...blah blah blah. Apparently it was true!

The thing that bothers me most is that there is not a wide selection places you can buy things in Maputo, and till I get a car I cant go to South Africa over the weekend to buy some goodies in Nelspruit. So with even fewer options.... I will have to say goodbye to Maputo shopping for life.....although I always knew it probably was owned by a Drug Kingpin or a Gangster...

I mean look at the designs-neon lights, reflective windows, weird geometric shapes- it looks like a a Gangster from a Bollywood movie built it as a front for his "business". Apparently the guy is Indian or Pakistani.....so i guess we know where he got his inspiration from...DEWWAR and great Amitabh Bachchnan





Those Madarchods (Mofos) will never catch me!!
















































Above are pics of Maputo shopping (aka Kingpin HQ) and the attached Cinema that never had any movies playing...prolly cuz they were exporting drugs.


Aiight peeps thats it for now.....I am out like Ricky Martin (is it too late for those jokes?)
-A

Saturday, May 1, 2010

The night i rocked the dance floor with an Amputee

Yep you read it right. I was out at my local spot (Face to face) yesterday and me and this dude who had lost both legs from the knee down OWNED and when i mean OWNED i mean RICKY ROSSED the dance floor. He had no crutches no prosthetic legs...just knee pads to reduce the friction as he rocked it till 6 o'clock in morrrrnin!

It was kind of amazing...i keep thinking of all friends, acquaintances and random mofos that refuse to let their party animal out unless they were hammered or unless the lights are sooo dark they think shadows or impaired vision enhance their perceived lack of rhythm. So please mis amigos take a page out of this guys book....its all in your head so let loose. He danced with no legs...how freaking cool is THAT!!!

In other news I was also hanging out with my regular crew and their new friend for the night... some Greek Triathlon champ that seriously looked like he could have been born in Sparta..we called him Leonidas for a good chunk of the night. Anyway Leonidas no longer does the Triathlons but works for the international Olympic triathlon committee and travels the world (260 days out of the yr) scoping countries and locations to host them. Yep that is a pretty sweeeeet job.... there is no major or masters for this program just a passion for the sport. On the other hand his fiance works as a travel writer/NGO publicist of sorts and travels the world writing stories about her traveling and social development programs tourists should take a time out of their resorts and visit...yep another Sweeeet out of the box job. They travel together most of the time b/c thats the relationship-work balance that would only work in their lives...and it works.

Anyway the point of the blog post is...that all three of my newly found acquaintances from last night from the amputee, to Leonidas, to his travel writer Fiance seemed to confirm the fact that you shouldn't give a flying F about what ppl see on the outside or what traditions confirm...just do your thaaaaaaaaang and rock the proverbial dance floor that is the world!

"THIS IS SPARTA!!!" sorry i just had to say that.

I am out like Iron Man 2!!!

Friday, April 16, 2010

How to go from Immigrant to bonified American in 2 easy steps

1) Bend Over
2) Wait

Yeah immigration is hell, there is no way around it with its rules upon rules, upon forms upon forms, and fees upon fees. Since most immigrants are coming in under duress...its a pretty expensive process...i.e. to fill out the last form for naturalization was $685. Yep 2 PS3s and a game or so. The whole process prolly cost $5k-10k.
But yesterday I became an American...I am actually pretty proud of it, and also very relieved. America is an awesome place, and we take it fore granted how many ppl in the world would give a kidney to come and live here.

Anyway...i was not allowed to take a camera inside for a photo blogpost of the big day...but here are the highlights..

Judge asks ppl to call out their respective countries one by one...

Defiance
Random ppl: Korea, Jordan, China, Ethiopia, Korea, Guatemala, Ethiopia, Mexico, Ethiopia, Ethiopia, India, China, Philippines, Ethiopia,

Me: ERITREA!!!!!!! (followed by a lion roar--it mattered to me..got a few looks from the other Ethiopians...yep...thats how I roll)

Other interesting shout outs and happenings

Random Immigrant 1: Uyghur...Currently Colonized by CHINA! (damn)
Random Immigrant 2: Kurdistan..also known as North of IRAQ oppressed by Turkey (ok...)
Random Immigrant 3: STATELESSS!!!!! (i am assuming Palestine)

Later the judge told random immigrant 3 while doing the handshakes... you are no longer stateless you are now an American!!! Lol the look the random immigrant 3 gave him was a mix of ...man get the F outta here and maybe u can tell that to the millions of Palestinians on the Gaza strip.


Anyway, the weird thing is I dont feel American...nor after being in the motherland (Africa)...I dont feel African either.

When I first came, and in my college yrs...I claimed I was soo African...like me and Nelson Mandela were on PAR! I loved my country (Eritrea) and I loved my continent (Africa), and i loved me my diaspora Africans as well. I am telling u i thought these "Americans" dont know what this AfriCAN is alll about!!!!!

Then I got to Mozambique...and was thinking...uhmm what are u doing telling me internet banking takes two weeks to process?? You already have the systems its just a matter of signing up...and the internet is always there WTF?!?! Wait and you need govt. approval to transfer money?! What do you mean the letter from the govt is taking 3 weeks?? Yall are inefficient like ...like...OMG I AM TURNING INTO AN AMERICAN!!!!

I think my identity now will always be as an immigrant. The waiting lines for INS...the green card hassles...the visas..the confusion...the fear...the paranoia. It was there and amongst those people regardless if they were from India, China, Ghana, Pakistan, Urugauy etc. that I felt was where i belonged. I dont think I can fully ever reconcile my newfound Americaness....nor will i be that born and bred African.

I will miss my Immigration and Naturalization Services(INS) family....when our eyes met at whatever immigration service or process we were going through...we all new we were on the same boat.

Thats it for now....

I am out like my deportation nightmares..
PAYCE!


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Trippin (Blog posts from Moz, S. Africa, and NY)


So as usual I left my personal life to last minute, tickets, buying gifts, removing $ from the bank account, and charging my ipod…all this was done on April 12th..as was my actual departure from Maputo.

What comedian was it…(warning-non PC moment)

“The only thing shorter than a Jew’s penis is a black man’s to do list”…lol its ok I thought it was funny.

Tickets and Vacation time

During the rush, I got discounted (-$300) tickets to DC, boss told me good things about my work so far, and boss said my 2 weeks in the states wont count against my holidays!!! So the fact that I didn’t by tix on time and procrastinated working out my official holiday vacation actually paid off!

Especially the latter part, cuz for some reason I had an irrational fear that my boss hated me. I would ponder during the work day why…how can I win her over…what can I do…where do I seek advice….am I not a nice guy…am I not efficient…...I MUST BE LOVED BY ALL!<--middle child syndrome

Gifts

So while haggling for souvenirs for my peeps in the states …NO I WONT PAY 50 MTCS ($1.2)….an economical vs. ethics thought crossed my mind;

“ is it wrong that I am haggling for every $1, to MAXIMIZE the amount of love I receive from those showered with gifts at the most ABSOLUTE MINIMUM COST to me?? “

Like I said it was just a thought…yes I got ur gift for 50cents…LOVE ME!!! <--middle child again.

South Africa

My first stop over is in South Africa. I get into the airport and it’s a bit le sad…why?? A RACK OF WHITE FOLK! Don’t get me wrong I like white folk they r cool peeps…this is racial disparity is normally cool when I travel to Western countries where the indigenous white folk are home grown and bread….however this be AFRICA FOOL aint no indigenous white folk!!

As I write I am at a pretty packed cafe in Johannesburg airport with about 30 ppl sitting here …and I am the only black person and the ONLY minority here. Wait…wait…an Indian dude just asked to sit with me…

I can read the anger in his eyes (AmanZman goes LIVE!)

Brown folk: May I share this table?? (Eyes say: NIGGA DO U BELIEVE THIS ?!)

Black Folk aka me: Yeah sure… (Eyes say: Aint this some BULL SHIT! And why all the servers black?!)

Brown folk: (to the waiter) I’ll have a coffee, black please (Eyes say: So I can count it as the third minority up in this bitch!)

Black Folk aka me: Same for me. (Eyes say: this is some surreal shit! Is there black folk waiting room or summin?)

Brown folk: (finishes coffee and gets up) Thanks. (Eyes say: $%#@! gotta go back to mother India)

Clock says- u just missed your boarding time by 10 minutes run nigga run!

-I made it (plane delayed from take off by 15 mins thanks to moi) …ppl on the plane were not too happy. Ohh well I am not happy the only black ppl at the airport are servers. So what else can u do but subject everyone else to colored ppls time (GOT THAT REBEL FEELING!-bob marley)..Martin Luther King would be proud of me J

Welcome to the USA

At last America mi amore.. how I missed you..jet lagged, hungry, torn and tattered I come to your warm embrace for the solace only developed countries can provide weary travelers. I am also coming through the great lady of NYC…”give me your hungry” she once said…ohhh how will you welcome me and embrace me in your bosom lady liberty?????

Immigration Officer: “Sir please move to waiting room number 2 for additional questioning”

F @#^@*&*!^#%!*&$ K YOU U HATEFUL BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (2.5 hrs of waiting and jet lag)

Some things never change…

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Bout time Foooo

Pemba

I should have updated a while ago as a lot of things have been going on....but to be fair I was internet-less in Pemba (Northern Mozambique) for about 2 weeks. However, “Don’t cry for me Argentinaaaaaa” as Pemba was beautiful…beaches, beaches and more beaches…and I got to see some of rural Mozambique when visiting our projects in various districts….where I got my classic UNICEF pics in (see below).

Also went to a club in Pemba… in summary my clubbing experience was a mix CD on loop where you would hear the same song every 30 mins (I now hate the Black Eyed Peas), 8 ppl on the dance floor, then the French Navy men came in; and any stereotype you had about the French navy was pretty much satiated right there and then.

Life

Finally getting settled in terms of life; I now have internet at home and a bank account which are two huge feats to accomplish in 1 week…ok the bank account issue took 2 weeks where I now am no longer carrying around two months’ salary in my pocket…cant access it yet though, as my check books and online banking will take 2 more weeks (1 month in total to open and access a bank account)….America rocks in terms of efficiency.

Also, another sign of settling in is that I have befriended another of my large fore-headed brethren (aka Eritrean/Ethiopian)…who confirmed that THERE IS NO ETHIOPIAN/ERITREAN RESTAURANT IN MAPUTU! He did tell me I could take a 7 hr bus ride to Jo-burg in South Africa to get my grub on…seems like an extreme to cross international borders for some Habesha grub…but I may have to.

On a sadder more pensive note an Eritrean guy recognizes my own large forehead at a restaurant and after some small talk/introductions…asked me for some $ to cross into S.A….I was hesitant at first but is $6 really worth the mistrust in humanity….not really (call me gullible wtvr). It seems the more I stay on the continent issues facing my own country are becoming apparent. They also always seem to be popping up in random situations…..signs? Who knows.. what to do about it seems like a more difficult question to answer…but a question I feel obligated to tackle.

Pics

My first try in advertising...theme:Unicef-esk campaign..let the cheese begin










" I believe the children are our future...."-Sexual Chocolate, Coming to America










"Smile= the currency of the heart..."













"His dream is to be on dancing with the stars....will you tell him no?"


i dunno if i am cut out for the ad agencies...but here are some of my non Unicef-esk pics










View from my hotel room...yep...this was about the same time it was Snowpocalypse in DC area













Style...its not about where you are , it about who you are (damn that actually works as an ad)


Aiight peeps that is it for now....I am out...like the French navy

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The one that got away...and the one that wont go away

So this is a story in two unrelated parts...

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

So you know how love/amor/lust/ whatever has this thing, where you always think of the one that got away. Sometimes you can be in another relationship and you may think of her...sometimes it just hits you and you think what a F up you are and how great things could have been.

Well the same holds true for spiders.

So I moved into my new place over the weekend and just as I opened the drawers .. I saw them... a GIANT MESSS of spiders...daddy long legs, Red ones, Black ones, mutant hybrids....all of them. Needless to say this FREAKED me out.

SO armed with DDT I cleaned and I sprayed, and I cleaned and I sprayed, and I cleaned and sprayed once more. However while I was cleaning there was this GIANT black spider...I smacked the mofo with shoe..and when i turned around he escaped...then I saw him chilling on my closet....and i sprayed him...and he disappeared into my clothes.

Later that night as I was about sleep..i see the mofo again...and I cant stop thinking about it...he kept me up till 3am trying to kill him. Each time I put on my clothes...crawl under the mosquito net...I see him...waiting, watching. So for the last few days...I shake out my clothes, shake out my shoes...empty my satchel and pack it up again...all cuz of the one that got a way. Sometimes I wake up at night think where he is...what he is doing...if its poisonous...when it will get me....and sometimes I feel a sliver of the spider web he weaves...

And as I am sure some of you with lost love ones can relate...its torture.

And as you star crossed lovers have said after years of meeting up randomly with the one that left you and got away

"Fuck you ...and fuck me for letting you live!" (kung fu chop!!)
-Star crossed lovers and spider killers everywhere

Cuz to day was the day I saw him...and i did what I had to do....I killed him.


THE ONE THAT WONT GO AWAY

This one is an actual person.

Over the weekend I was walking to work to get some stuff done...and I see her from a distance..

5'5, honey colored skin, angular face, overall fine. She is wearing this long skirt with a bikini top...kind of hoeish if you saw it in DC...but Maputo is by ocean..and its hot..perfectly understandable....right?

So anyway...I was walking behind her thinking this chick could def be a model...and how not creepy this is cuz my work is in the same direction (god surely looks out for those who work on the weekends).

Anyway maybe the world moves slow for fine girls cuz she was a slow walker...and as much as it pained me so...I gots to pass her cuz i gots to go earn my paper. So as I pass her the god that looks out for weekend workers smiles down upon me again ..as the honey colored skin girl (HCSG) says...

"uhmm Bon Dia??" (Hello ..literally good day)
Me: Uhmm Hi
HCSG: You from here?
Me: No I am from Eritrea
HCSG: Ok...what you do in Maputo
Me: I am actually going to work right now..I work for an NGO
HCSG: Work on sunday?! Why?
Me: Ohh just trying to catch up...actually this is my work here.
HCSG: Ok so maybe you can call me sometimes...
Me: (ohhh yeah i still got it) sure. (we exchange phone numbers)

So once my ego settles down...i start thinking..hmmm that was interesting. That was also too easy...I hope she is not a Ho. But why would I think that she was a nice girl...pretty...and friendly...damn if an American girl did that would I think the same?! No! So why here...why now...i need to have more faith in ppl.

Then 2 hrs later I get a call. HCSG is asking me what time I get off work. Maybe we can meet up at a bar near by or at her place. I tell her I am still working and maybe another time.

FUCK ...I just got picked up by a HO!

So later that night I get two more missed calls from HCSG. On Monday 5 missed calls.....and on tuesday 6 missed calls and the best text EVER...

"that loving gaze,
i need from you my heart seeks to live in you heart
keep smiling at me just like this..."

I couldnt stop laughing and thinking WTF when reading the text. Ohh well lesson learned dont give your number to a girl whose eye's light up when she finds out what you do for a living...no matter how fine she is.

I am out like your milk, after you have already poured yourself a bowl of cereal.
-A

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Call me Vasco..

Vasco da Gamma that is...except the black and on foot version of the explorer/navigator.

So yesterday I decided to venture out and discover some things in beautiful Maputo. Some general observations so far...

1) Maputo is beautiful (pics below)
2) Mozambicans are beautiful (no pics below cuz trying to take pics of ppl without their noticing or consent is hard...and awkward when they do catch you trying..)
3) I will never make long term moves to cold places.
4) Mozambicans are hot!

so onward to the pics.......

Set one- Old abandoned Portuguese villa next to my hotel. Also was used as a former torture center during the Mozambican civil war in the 90's...probably explains why no one has done anything on the site. Architecture buffs prepare to " Jizzz in yo pants...." -a la SNL










































































































Aiight, now that the architecture buffs are satisfied...this is all for my peeps in the north either DC with that east coast winter..... or London town with that London summer....or anywhere cold for that matter :-P

Sea side...palm trees....villas...and murals...


















































































































































































Well thats it for now....and no those villas are not where I live.

I'm out like Google from China (educate urselves--> bbc news homies)...
-Peayce!