How to go from Immigrant to bonified American in 2 easy steps

1) Bend Over
2) Wait

Yeah immigration is hell, there is no way around it with its rules upon rules, upon forms upon forms, and fees upon fees. Since most immigrants are coming in under duress...its a pretty expensive process...i.e. to fill out the last form for naturalization was $685. Yep 2 PS3s and a game or so. The whole process prolly cost $5k-10k.
But yesterday I became an American...I am actually pretty proud of it, and also very relieved. America is an awesome place, and we take it fore granted how many ppl in the world would give a kidney to come and live here.

Anyway...i was not allowed to take a camera inside for a photo blogpost of the big day...but here are the highlights..

Judge asks ppl to call out their respective countries one by one...

Defiance
Random ppl: Korea, Jordan, China, Ethiopia, Korea, Guatemala, Ethiopia, Mexico, Ethiopia, Ethiopia, India, China, Philippines, Ethiopia,

Me: ERITREA!!!!!!! (followed by a lion roar--it mattered to me..got a few looks from the other Ethiopians...yep...thats how I roll)

Other interesting shout outs and happenings

Random Immigrant 1: Uyghur...Currently Colonized by CHINA! (damn)
Random Immigrant 2: Kurdistan..also known as North of IRAQ oppressed by Turkey (ok...)
Random Immigrant 3: STATELESSS!!!!! (i am assuming Palestine)

Later the judge told random immigrant 3 while doing the handshakes... you are no longer stateless you are now an American!!! Lol the look the random immigrant 3 gave him was a mix of ...man get the F outta here and maybe u can tell that to the millions of Palestinians on the Gaza strip.


Anyway, the weird thing is I dont feel American...nor after being in the motherland (Africa)...I dont feel African either.

When I first came, and in my college yrs...I claimed I was soo African...like me and Nelson Mandela were on PAR! I loved my country (Eritrea) and I loved my continent (Africa), and i loved me my diaspora Africans as well. I am telling u i thought these "Americans" dont know what this AfriCAN is alll about!!!!!

Then I got to Mozambique...and was thinking...uhmm what are u doing telling me internet banking takes two weeks to process?? You already have the systems its just a matter of signing up...and the internet is always there WTF?!?! Wait and you need govt. approval to transfer money?! What do you mean the letter from the govt is taking 3 weeks?? Yall are inefficient like ...like...OMG I AM TURNING INTO AN AMERICAN!!!!

I think my identity now will always be as an immigrant. The waiting lines for INS...the green card hassles...the visas..the confusion...the fear...the paranoia. It was there and amongst those people regardless if they were from India, China, Ghana, Pakistan, Urugauy etc. that I felt was where i belonged. I dont think I can fully ever reconcile my newfound Americaness....nor will i be that born and bred African.

I will miss my Immigration and Naturalization Services(INS) family....when our eyes met at whatever immigration service or process we were going through...we all new we were on the same boat.

Thats it for now....

I am out like my deportation nightmares..
PAYCE!

Trippin (Blog posts from Moz, S. Africa, and NY)

So as usual I left my personal life to last minute, tickets, buying gifts, removing $ from the bank account, and charging my ipod…all this was done on April 12^th..as was my actual departure from Maputo.

What comedian was it…(warning-non PC moment)

“The only thing shorter than a Jew’s penis is a black man’s to do list”…lol its ok I thought it was funny.

Tickets and Vacation time

During the rush, I got discounted (-$300) tickets to DC, boss told me good things about my work so far, and boss said my 2 weeks in the states wont count against my holidays!!! So the fact that I didn’t by tix on time and procrastinated working out my official holiday vacation actually paid off!

Especially the latter part, cuz for some reason I had an irrational fear that my boss hated me. I would ponder during the work day why…how can I win her over…what can I do…where do I seek advice….am I not a nice guy…am I not efficient…...I MUST BE LOVED BY ALL!<--middle child syndrome

Gifts

So while haggling for souvenirs for my peeps in the states …NO I WONT PAY 50 MTCS ($1.2)….an economical vs. ethics thought crossed my mind;

“ is it wrong that I am haggling for every $1, to MAXIMIZE the amount of love I receive from those showered with gifts at the most ABSOLUTE MINIMUM COST to me?? “

Like I said it was just a thought…yes I got ur gift for 50cents…LOVE ME!!! <--middle child again.

South Africa

My first stop over is in South Africa. I get into the airport and it’s a bit le sad…why?? A RACK OF WHITE FOLK! Don’t get me wrong I like white folk they r cool peeps…this is racial disparity is normally cool when I travel to Western countries where the indigenous white folk are home grown and bread….however this be AFRICA FOOL aint no indigenous white folk!!

As I write I am at a pretty packed cafe in Johannesburg airport with about 30 ppl sitting here …and I am the only black person and the ONLY minority here. Wait…wait…an Indian dude just asked to sit with me…

I can read the anger in his eyes (AmanZman goes LIVE!)

Brown folk: May I share this table?? (Eyes say: NIGGA DO U BELIEVE THIS ?!)

Black Folk aka me: Yeah sure… (Eyes say: Aint this some BULL SHIT! And why all the servers black?!)

Brown folk: (to the waiter) I’ll have a coffee, black please (Eyes say: So I can count it as the third minority up in this bitch!)

Black Folk aka me: Same for me. (Eyes say: this is some surreal shit! Is there black folk waiting room or summin?)

Brown folk: (finishes coffee and gets up) Thanks. (Eyes say: $%#@! gotta go back to mother India)

Clock says- u just missed your boarding time by 10 minutes run nigga run!

-I made it (plane delayed from take off by 15 mins thanks to moi) …ppl on the plane were not too happy. Ohh well I am not happy the only black ppl at the airport are servers. So what else can u do but subject everyone else to colored ppls time (GOT THAT REBEL FEELING!-bob marley)..Martin Luther King would be proud of me J

Welcome to the USA

At last America mi amore.. how I missed you..jet lagged, hungry, torn and tattered I come to your warm embrace for the solace only developed countries can provide weary travelers. I am also coming through the great lady of NYC…”give me your hungry” she once said…ohhh how will you welcome me and embrace me in your bosom lady liberty?????

Immigration Officer: “Sir please move to waiting room number 2 for additional questioning”

F @#^@*&*!^#%!*&$ K YOU U HATEFUL BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (2.5 hrs of waiting and jet lag)

Some things never change…