My Peoples be slightly racist....

ok when i say my peoples.....I am including both Eritreans and Ethiopians....actually this prolly also could branch out to the entire horn-Somalia, Djibouti and North Sudan as well.

So over the weekend my archnemesis and I were chillin with Wai and her friend Abdi. Eventually the discussion truned to Habesha people ...and how we as a people are a bit elitist..especially when it comes to other Africans.

Example working in Kenya..Habesha person in Ethiopia or Eri says

Habesha peeps: Ohhh you are working in AFRICA! How is it working in AFRICA?? -Said in a facinating "the dark continent" Indian Jones and the temple of doom sort of tone)

Me (thought process): Uhmmm homie...aint you in Africa as well.

Although archnemesis and I tried to defend our peeps as best we could. Explaining there is a different history..and maybe the horn doesnt fit into the Western Stereotypes (YES we blamed the white man!!!) of the peoples of Africa, so maybe the horn feels the need to distance itself....yada yada yada....

this was all BS!!!! Why?

Well the next day we were at Habeshas...my favorite Eri/Ethio food grub place in Kenya. So archnemesis doesnt speak Amharic (ethiopian) very well...and also is slightly darker than what the average image of Ethiopians/Eritreans are (...see where this is going)

SO...as we were talking to the waiter...archnemesis said something in Amharic...and the waiter looks at her STUNNED!

(paraphrased convo)
Habesha Waiter: Are you ETHIOPIAN?!?!!?

Archnemesis: Yes I am. I grew up mostly in the states and dont speak Amharic very well.

Habesha Waiter: ..i thought you were "African"...and I was thinking...wow how is this "African" so pretty?? Where did she get these Eyes from...and where did she get that nose from. Now that I know you are Ethiopian...it makes sense.

*note this guy was serving us for the last 30 mins or so...and thinking that Archnemesis was "African" must have rocked his motha F'in world)


Archnemesis and I: Yeaaaaah... :-/

We were meeting Wairimu and Abdi that same day ....and explained...yeah we as a ppl be racist. Sorry.


*~* note...this does not mean all Eri/Ethiopian ppl or ppl from the Horn are racist...it just means that...culturally we have some racist stereotypes.

BACK on track

Now that the immigration process aka the 9th circle of hell is almost over, and I am back in Kenizzy...... back to the updates.

The flight to Nairobi was probably the worst connections in the world. And those cheeky bastards at the travel agency didnt let me know i had a second stop over in Bujumbura. Where the F is that...its in Burundi according to Wikipedia...its ok i didnt know either.

So i get to my first stop in Brussels...and they tell me the flight to Bujumbura has been canceled. Why? B/c they could not fill the plane. Why? B/c who goes to Bujumbura. So my route is now Turkey then Nairobi. Chances of luggage getting lost 99% Brussles airline service counter tells me that there is 99% chance that it wont get lost. Sure.

Arrived in Nairobi at 1am. Waited for luggage till 3:30am...filled out a lost luggage form that was entered in the computer 5 times...finished at 4:00am with the odd feeling that my luggage is somewhere in Bujumbura.

Stepped out of the airport and was harassed by weird Cop who kept asking me where I am from. Second cop came in and pretty much said the following things that I understood that were not swahili

"swahili, swahili, SOMALIA, swahili, swahili, MOGDISHU".

So I said I dont have time to go through the process is there a "fine" I can pay....500 shillings down the drain. Its now 4:30 am and the bribed cops help me find a credible taxi...and leave me with the comforting words

" So we know who to look for if he kidnaps you."

Reach guest house at 5:30am

Fastforward to Sunday...go back to the airport get my luggage.

Luggage carrier says it will be a long wait for my luggage as he needs to stand at the counter doing nothing till the Emirites flight lands. 200shillings later he hands me my luggage. With the following comforting words..

"Wow you got both your missing bags. You must be VERY lucky. Congrats my friend."

Current Feeling: Oddly glad to be back.

" And she said that'll be 60 bucks.....

... Now you've officially been chopped and screwed.." T-PAIN

I dont know if T-Pain was talking about the scene in Kenya..but that song if (you know it) has some truth in Nai to the Robi.

On to the story....

Scene:Out last week celebrating me getting my American papers (hells YEAH!!) and my Arch Nemesis' b-day.. broken down in 2 parts

Hilariousness part 1.

Me and Arch Nemesis were talking about the Greasy Greeks we saw at the hookah place last night...with his giant stomach and equally giant bling. This guy had his hands all over a girl half his age..who didnt seem to mind at all.

I am not trying to judge...but i think its safe to say she was either looking for a sugar daddy/$$$ or as T-Pain put ..."that'll be 60 bucks"

So fate being what it is...at this other place...there was a girl sharing the same table as us. She was silently sippin on her drink...and sippin...and sippin....and then we saw it....

Scene:50+ yr old white guy...aimlessly standing ...15 meters away

10 meters away.....and getting closer...

5 meters... and closer....

BINGO!!

Much like the following....

"BE VEWWWY VEWWWY QUIET. ITS WABBIT SEASON!"

Anywhoo...as he gets right next to her...and stares at her...and stares some more. (kind of like discovery channel lion attacks...but creepier......more like Elmer Fudd)Finally she realizes he is looking.

I think she is gonna give him the finger and blow him off....to my surprise she gives him the come hither look...

At this point he uses the best line EVER!!!!!! (which I will also use in DC)

Elmer: Are you hungry.

Girl: What??

Elmer: Do you want something to eat??????

Girl: Okay :-)

* proceed to get cosy with a few drinks*

(me: O_O *shock*)

Hilariousness 2

So at this point Arch Nemesis and I are talking Amharic about the situation. Never expecting that this would happen infront of us....although they are in their own little world...

*note if any Ethio/Eritrean is speaking in their own language when you know they know English...prolly better than they do Amharic or Tigrigna .....its probably about you. Sorry*

....at this point our friend Wairimu ( UVa-OAS alum connection) shows up...

and because we were sharing a bar table...after saying hi to us...Wairimu goes over to the SKETCH 50+ white guy and his Baby..babybaaah (jah rule voice)

..extends her hand with the happy sing songy (if you know Wairimu voice)...

Wai: HEY I AM WAIRIMU! *Shakes Hands*

*interrupting his.."do you wanna eat" mojo*

50+ guy and girl: uhhhmmmm hello.

Wai: Hi! *still happy*

Arch Nemesis and I: O_O (shocked that 50+ guy and our worlds have collided)...uhmm we dont know them.

Wai: OHHH....(prolly understanding the "situation") LOL. OK.

*50+ guy and his lady go back to doin what they do*

~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~

So now yall know the situation in Nairobi.....how can you tell if someone is interested or tryin to make a dolla outta 15 cents....Conundrum!!!!!

ANDDDDD.....how do these old farts just...do what they do..

...in the wise words of my Momma right b4 I left the States

Mom: Dont get HIV or AIDs....bye!!!!

Consistancy..................

...is not my middle name. I should have updated the blog a wizzzile ago....

So far things have been pretty cool. There is another intern with me now living in the guest house...from......drum roll please .....ETHIOPIA!

So...usually I am excited to have a fellow Habesha in the house but...as I have become more and more ERITREAN decided to support my country and plot her demise.


Plan-A

(Arrival ...July 3)

Arch nemesis: Wow I am so glad there is another Ethiopian here

Me: UHHMMMM NO.....I AM ERITREAN! Do we look alike or summin?!?!

Arch nemesis: O_O (dumfounded)

Reality

Arch nemesis: Hey are you Habesha (general term for Ethio or Eritreans)

Me: (Thinking......f********K) Yes. (damn you arch nemesis *fist up in the air*)

All in all she did turn out to be aiight....but dammit I want an arch nemesis >_<

Plan B

· Quote from Eritrean Liberation Speeches daily,

· Pretend its Eritrean Independence day every other day,

· Explain that Ethiopia is really part of Eritrea not the other way around,

· and always start my sentences off with "When I was deported from Ethiopia.."

In other news...I have realized that the blog is lacking in pics...other than Mubarek the camel (above). So i have decided to upload some pics of a partner assessment I was part of a few weeks back in Africa's largest slum ....KIBERA (forget S.E. DC)

*Captions are my own take on things ...reality (as always is secondary with moi) is in parenthesis...

Miles of slums ( Reality: Miles and MILES of slums..bigger population than Eritrea's Capital Asmara)

















Slum mistress scoping out the territory to make sure there are no BLOODs in her area

"I keep a blue flag hanging out my backside, but only on the left side, yeah that's the crip side"

(Reality: Cute Girl)














"THIS IS A STICK UP FOO!!"-My mugger

(reality: Cute kid 2)
































The Front for the Khat production facility

(Reality: Partner facility, converting human waste into cooking/heating gas. Also serves as a safe sanitation facility for Women and Children in a place where the ratio is about 50-500 people to a latrine)

















Sure she looks like she is boiling water...but its way more sinister...i see U!!!! I SEE U!!!!!! >_< (Reality: Boiling water...supposedly >_<)











Slum KING!!!!!

(Reality: Founder of Bio center NGO...born and raised in Kibera...still keeps it gangsta though)




















The other side....where the White Folk live...

(Reality: Where the White Folk Live)



~*~*

Thats it for now my peeps......i'll update more consistantly next time...fo sho.

-A

Love Letters from Dadaab

Sorry to inform you (friends, readers, stalkers), but my potential love affair/romantic comedy with Kathy has come to an end. Kathy had to go back to Dadaab (Refugee camp in northern Kenya) on Sunday, and will be stationed there permanently.

However tru to form I am committed to entertaining you with some love letters from Dadaab since the day mi amore left….


Love letters from Dadaab, e-mail 1

Hi,

The weather here is very cool, what about there?

Hope you did not go for lunch with your book.*

*Long story short, she caught me with a book at one of the places to eat by work on my 2nd day …and told me not to embarrass her again by acting like a geek…ohh the sweet memories :-P

-K


Lover letters from Dadaab, e-mail 2

Hahaha no I did not go to lunch with my book :-P I was actually pretending to work and forgot about to lunch. But the weather here is cool too…on the verge of getting cold actually.

Hope you are enjoying your vacation in Dadaab, I hear its beautiful this time of year…scorpions, refugees, sand, living in tents….what more can you ask for.

Cheers!
-A


Love letters from Dadaab, e-mail 3

For real it’s awesome (insert sarcasm). Try and visit b4 the weather changes. No traffic (no cars), no cooking (no grocery store), no laundry (no washing machines); just walking in the L style (from tent, to cafeteria and office).

Also, the tents give u the Masaai Mara Safari Experience. (insert sarcasm)

About lunch; R u dieting or what? You are not fat, just a geek.

Regards

-K

Cowboys, Indians, and Kenyans

So over the weekend we went to celebrate a co-workers b-day at this place called “The Phoenician.” I was a bit confused as one co-worker told me it was a Lebanese restaurant…and then my guest house roomie said it was a sushi joint.

It was both. Only in Kenya would you get a Lebanese/Sushi combo.

So when we got to the place I noticed the guards at the Phoenician were holding some sort of stick. I figured a baton of some sort….upon closer inspection it was actually a bow an arrow. And no it was not a theme at the restaurant…it was actually a bow and arrow for security.

The guard noticing my very Mizoungou (white man) like attitude to the security details handed me the bow and arrow…it was real…the guard explained that his tribe was the best at the bow and arrow, and that our rickety land cruiser would be safe.

BTW both the Lebanese food and Sushi were off the HOOK!

So.....

……I figure that this would be the best way to keep people up to date on the random ish that happens every so often.

Please note my views on grammar and correct sentence structure are that they are purely tools designed by the devil. Period.

Onwards to the updates…

Day 1

I arrived at the guest house…my future home for the next 6 months.

Taxi guy and I took the two pieces of luggage and my carry on to the top floor of my apt. As I open the door…I hear laughing…wtf??

Kathy: You are such a girl!I saw you with all your luggage from the window…. look at all your luggage! I only took one piece to the refugee camp…hhahahah. Come here my new girlfriend let me show u to your room.

Me: uhmmm..hey my name is Aman.

Day 2

Obligatory introductions here we come.

My name is Aman..and I love you….or summin like that.

I am being taken around the office being introduced to everyone and anyone… from finance managers and logistics coordinators to cleaners and drivers. So after my introduction to the entire office…I am taken by Kathy’s desk..and mention to the HR coordinator that I already know her….and Kathy smiles back….looks up and down at me and laughs..a lil and starts…furiously writing something on a sticky pad (I think its an e-mail, or her office number)…as the HR coordinator starts walking away… Kathy hands me the tab…

Kathy’s tab:

ZIP UP YOUR FLY!!!!!!!!!!!

-K

Until next time peeps…