The night i rocked the dance floor with an Amputee

Yep you read it right. I was out at my local spot (Face to face) yesterday and me and this dude who had lost both legs from the knee down OWNED and when i mean OWNED i mean RICKY ROSSED the dance floor. He had no crutches no prosthetic legs...just knee pads to reduce the friction as he rocked it till 6 o'clock in morrrrnin!

It was kind of amazing...i keep thinking of all friends, acquaintances and random mofos that refuse to let their party animal out unless they were hammered or unless the lights are sooo dark they think shadows or impaired vision enhance their perceived lack of rhythm. So please mis amigos take a page out of this guys book....its all in your head so let loose. He danced with no legs...how freaking cool is THAT!!!

In other news I was also hanging out with my regular crew and their new friend for the night... some Greek Triathlon champ that seriously looked like he could have been born in Sparta..we called him Leonidas for a good chunk of the night. Anyway Leonidas no longer does the Triathlons but works for the international Olympic triathlon committee and travels the world (260 days out of the yr) scoping countries and locations to host them. Yep that is a pretty sweeeeet job.... there is no major or masters for this program just a passion for the sport. On the other hand his fiance works as a travel writer/NGO publicist of sorts and travels the world writing stories about her traveling and social development programs tourists should take a time out of their resorts and visit...yep another Sweeeet out of the box job. They travel together most of the time b/c thats the relationship-work balance that would only work in their lives...and it works.

Anyway the point of the blog post is...that all three of my newly found acquaintances from last night from the amputee, to Leonidas, to his travel writer Fiance seemed to confirm the fact that you shouldn't give a flying F about what ppl see on the outside or what traditions confirm...just do your thaaaaaaaaang and rock the proverbial dance floor that is the world!

"THIS IS SPARTA!!!" sorry i just had to say that.

I am out like Iron Man 2!!!

How to go from Immigrant to bonified American in 2 easy steps

1) Bend Over
2) Wait

Yeah immigration is hell, there is no way around it with its rules upon rules, upon forms upon forms, and fees upon fees. Since most immigrants are coming in under duress...its a pretty expensive process...i.e. to fill out the last form for naturalization was $685. Yep 2 PS3s and a game or so. The whole process prolly cost $5k-10k.
But yesterday I became an American...I am actually pretty proud of it, and also very relieved. America is an awesome place, and we take it fore granted how many ppl in the world would give a kidney to come and live here.

Anyway...i was not allowed to take a camera inside for a photo blogpost of the big day...but here are the highlights..

Judge asks ppl to call out their respective countries one by one...

Defiance
Random ppl: Korea, Jordan, China, Ethiopia, Korea, Guatemala, Ethiopia, Mexico, Ethiopia, Ethiopia, India, China, Philippines, Ethiopia,

Me: ERITREA!!!!!!! (followed by a lion roar--it mattered to me..got a few looks from the other Ethiopians...yep...thats how I roll)

Other interesting shout outs and happenings

Random Immigrant 1: Uyghur...Currently Colonized by CHINA! (damn)
Random Immigrant 2: Kurdistan..also known as North of IRAQ oppressed by Turkey (ok...)
Random Immigrant 3: STATELESSS!!!!! (i am assuming Palestine)

Later the judge told random immigrant 3 while doing the handshakes... you are no longer stateless you are now an American!!! Lol the look the random immigrant 3 gave him was a mix of ...man get the F outta here and maybe u can tell that to the millions of Palestinians on the Gaza strip.


Anyway, the weird thing is I dont feel American...nor after being in the motherland (Africa)...I dont feel African either.

When I first came, and in my college yrs...I claimed I was soo African...like me and Nelson Mandela were on PAR! I loved my country (Eritrea) and I loved my continent (Africa), and i loved me my diaspora Africans as well. I am telling u i thought these "Americans" dont know what this AfriCAN is alll about!!!!!

Then I got to Mozambique...and was thinking...uhmm what are u doing telling me internet banking takes two weeks to process?? You already have the systems its just a matter of signing up...and the internet is always there WTF?!?! Wait and you need govt. approval to transfer money?! What do you mean the letter from the govt is taking 3 weeks?? Yall are inefficient like ...like...OMG I AM TURNING INTO AN AMERICAN!!!!

I think my identity now will always be as an immigrant. The waiting lines for INS...the green card hassles...the visas..the confusion...the fear...the paranoia. It was there and amongst those people regardless if they were from India, China, Ghana, Pakistan, Urugauy etc. that I felt was where i belonged. I dont think I can fully ever reconcile my newfound Americaness....nor will i be that born and bred African.

I will miss my Immigration and Naturalization Services(INS) family....when our eyes met at whatever immigration service or process we were going through...we all new we were on the same boat.

Thats it for now....

I am out like my deportation nightmares..
PAYCE!

Trippin (Blog posts from Moz, S. Africa, and NY)

So as usual I left my personal life to last minute, tickets, buying gifts, removing $ from the bank account, and charging my ipod…all this was done on April 12^th..as was my actual departure from Maputo.

What comedian was it…(warning-non PC moment)

“The only thing shorter than a Jew’s penis is a black man’s to do list”…lol its ok I thought it was funny.

Tickets and Vacation time

During the rush, I got discounted (-$300) tickets to DC, boss told me good things about my work so far, and boss said my 2 weeks in the states wont count against my holidays!!! So the fact that I didn’t by tix on time and procrastinated working out my official holiday vacation actually paid off!

Especially the latter part, cuz for some reason I had an irrational fear that my boss hated me. I would ponder during the work day why…how can I win her over…what can I do…where do I seek advice….am I not a nice guy…am I not efficient…...I MUST BE LOVED BY ALL!<--middle child syndrome

Gifts

So while haggling for souvenirs for my peeps in the states …NO I WONT PAY 50 MTCS ($1.2)….an economical vs. ethics thought crossed my mind;

“ is it wrong that I am haggling for every $1, to MAXIMIZE the amount of love I receive from those showered with gifts at the most ABSOLUTE MINIMUM COST to me?? “

Like I said it was just a thought…yes I got ur gift for 50cents…LOVE ME!!! <--middle child again.

South Africa

My first stop over is in South Africa. I get into the airport and it’s a bit le sad…why?? A RACK OF WHITE FOLK! Don’t get me wrong I like white folk they r cool peeps…this is racial disparity is normally cool when I travel to Western countries where the indigenous white folk are home grown and bread….however this be AFRICA FOOL aint no indigenous white folk!!

As I write I am at a pretty packed cafe in Johannesburg airport with about 30 ppl sitting here …and I am the only black person and the ONLY minority here. Wait…wait…an Indian dude just asked to sit with me…

I can read the anger in his eyes (AmanZman goes LIVE!)

Brown folk: May I share this table?? (Eyes say: NIGGA DO U BELIEVE THIS ?!)

Black Folk aka me: Yeah sure… (Eyes say: Aint this some BULL SHIT! And why all the servers black?!)

Brown folk: (to the waiter) I’ll have a coffee, black please (Eyes say: So I can count it as the third minority up in this bitch!)

Black Folk aka me: Same for me. (Eyes say: this is some surreal shit! Is there black folk waiting room or summin?)

Brown folk: (finishes coffee and gets up) Thanks. (Eyes say: $%#@! gotta go back to mother India)

Clock says- u just missed your boarding time by 10 minutes run nigga run!

-I made it (plane delayed from take off by 15 mins thanks to moi) …ppl on the plane were not too happy. Ohh well I am not happy the only black ppl at the airport are servers. So what else can u do but subject everyone else to colored ppls time (GOT THAT REBEL FEELING!-bob marley)..Martin Luther King would be proud of me J

Welcome to the USA

At last America mi amore.. how I missed you..jet lagged, hungry, torn and tattered I come to your warm embrace for the solace only developed countries can provide weary travelers. I am also coming through the great lady of NYC…”give me your hungry” she once said…ohhh how will you welcome me and embrace me in your bosom lady liberty?????

Immigration Officer: “Sir please move to waiting room number 2 for additional questioning”

F @#^@*&*!^#%!*&$ K YOU U HATEFUL BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (2.5 hrs of waiting and jet lag)

Some things never change…

Bout time Foooo

Pemba

I should have updated a while ago as a lot of things have been going on....but to be fair I was internet-less in Pemba (Northern Mozambique) for about 2 weeks. However, “Don’t cry for me Argentinaaaaaa” as Pemba was beautiful…beaches, beaches and more beaches…and I got to see some of rural Mozambique when visiting our projects in various districts….where I got my classic UNICEF pics in (see below).

Also went to a club in Pemba… in summary my clubbing experience was a mix CD on loop where you would hear the same song every 30 mins (I now hate the Black Eyed Peas), 8 ppl on the dance floor, then the French Navy men came in; and any stereotype you had about the French navy was pretty much satiated right there and then.

Life

Finally getting settled in terms of life; I now have internet at home and a bank account which are two huge feats to accomplish in 1 week…ok the bank account issue took 2 weeks where I now am no longer carrying around two months’ salary in my pocket…cant access it yet though, as my check books and online banking will take 2 more weeks (1 month in total to open and access a bank account)….America rocks in terms of efficiency.

Also, another sign of settling in is that I have befriended another of my large fore-headed brethren (aka Eritrean/Ethiopian)…who confirmed that THERE IS NO ETHIOPIAN/ERITREAN RESTAURANT IN MAPUTU! He did tell me I could take a 7 hr bus ride to Jo-burg in South Africa to get my grub on…seems like an extreme to cross international borders for some Habesha grub…but I may have to.

On a sadder more pensive note an Eritrean guy recognizes my own large forehead at a restaurant and after some small talk/introductions…asked me for some $ to cross into S.A….I was hesitant at first but is $6 really worth the mistrust in humanity….not really (call me gullible wtvr). It seems the more I stay on the continent issues facing my own country are becoming apparent. They also always seem to be popping up in random situations…..signs? Who knows.. what to do about it seems like a more difficult question to answer…but a question I feel obligated to tackle.

Pics

My first try in advertising...theme:Unicef-esk campaign..let the cheese begin

" I believe the children are our future...."-Sexual Chocolate, Coming to America

"Smile= the currency of the heart..."

"His dream is to be on dancing with the stars....will you tell him no?"

i dunno if i am cut out for the ad agencies...but here are some of my non Unicef-esk pics

View from my hotel room...yep...this was about the same time it was Snowpocalypse in DC area

Style...its not about where you are , it about who you are (damn that actually works as an ad)

Aiight peeps that is it for now....I am out...like the French navy

The one that got away...and the one that wont go away

So this is a story in two unrelated parts...

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
So you know how love/amor/lust/ whatever has this thing, where you always think of the one that got away. Sometimes you can be in another relationship and you may think of her...sometimes it just hits you and you think what a F up you are and how great things could have been.

Well the same holds true for spiders.

So I moved into my new place over the weekend and just as I opened the drawers .. I saw them... a GIANT MESSS of spiders...daddy long legs, Red ones, Black ones, mutant hybrids....all of them. Needless to say this FREAKED me out.

SO armed with DDT I cleaned and I sprayed, and I cleaned and I sprayed, and I cleaned and sprayed once more. However while I was cleaning there was this GIANT black spider...I smacked the mofo with shoe..and when i turned around he escaped...then I saw him chilling on my closet....and i sprayed him...and he disappeared into my clothes.

Later that night as I was about sleep..i see the mofo again...and I cant stop thinking about it...he kept me up till 3am trying to kill him. Each time I put on my clothes...crawl under the mosquito net...I see him...waiting, watching. So for the last few days...I shake out my clothes, shake out my shoes...empty my satchel and pack it up again...all cuz of the one that got a way. Sometimes I wake up at night think where he is...what he is doing...if its poisonous...when it will get me....and sometimes I feel a sliver of the spider web he weaves...

And as I am sure some of you with lost love ones can relate...its torture.

And as you star crossed lovers have said after years of meeting up randomly with the one that left you and got away

"Fuck you ...and fuck me for letting you live!" (kung fu chop!!)
-Star crossed lovers and spider killers everywhere

Cuz to day was the day I saw him...and i did what I had to do....I killed him.


THE ONE THAT WONT GO AWAY

This one is an actual person.

Over the weekend I was walking to work to get some stuff done...and I see her from a distance..

5'5, honey colored skin, angular face, overall fine. She is wearing this long skirt with a bikini top...kind of hoeish if you saw it in DC...but Maputo is by ocean..and its hot..perfectly understandable....right?

So anyway...I was walking behind her thinking this chick could def be a model...and how not creepy this is cuz my work is in the same direction (god surely looks out for those who work on the weekends).

Anyway maybe the world moves slow for fine girls cuz she was a slow walker...and as much as it pained me so...I gots to pass her cuz i gots to go earn my paper. So as I pass her the god that looks out for weekend workers smiles down upon me again ..as the honey colored skin girl (HCSG) says...

"uhmm Bon Dia??" (Hello ..literally good day)
Me: Uhmm Hi
HCSG: You from here?
Me: No I am from Eritrea
HCSG: Ok...what you do in Maputo
Me: I am actually going to work right now..I work for an NGO
HCSG: Work on sunday?! Why?
Me: Ohh just trying to catch up...actually this is my work here.
HCSG: Ok so maybe you can call me sometimes...
Me: (ohhh yeah i still got it) sure. (we exchange phone numbers)

So once my ego settles down...i start thinking..hmmm that was interesting. That was also too easy...I hope she is not a Ho. But why would I think that she was a nice girl...pretty...and friendly...damn if an American girl did that would I think the same?! No! So why here...why now...i need to have more faith in ppl.

Then 2 hrs later I get a call. HCSG is asking me what time I get off work. Maybe we can meet up at a bar near by or at her place. I tell her I am still working and maybe another time.

FUCK ...I just got picked up by a HO!

So later that night I get two more missed calls from HCSG. On Monday 5 missed calls.....and on tuesday 6 missed calls and the best text EVER...

"that loving gaze,
i need from you my heart seeks to live in you heart
keep smiling at me just like this..."

I couldnt stop laughing and thinking WTF when reading the text. Ohh well lesson learned dont give your number to a girl whose eye's light up when she finds out what you do for a living...no matter how fine she is.

I am out like your milk, after you have already poured yourself a bowl of cereal.
-A

Call me Vasco..

Vasco da Gamma that is...except the black and on foot version of the explorer/navigator.

So yesterday I decided to venture out and discover some things in beautiful Maputo. Some general observations so far...

1) Maputo is beautiful (pics below)
2) Mozambicans are beautiful (no pics below cuz trying to take pics of ppl without their noticing or consent is hard...and awkward when they do catch you trying..)
3) I will never make long term moves to cold places.
4) Mozambicans are hot!

so onward to the pics.......

Set one- Old abandoned Portuguese villa next to my hotel. Also was used as a former torture center during the Mozambican civil war in the 90's...probably explains why no one has done anything on the site. Architecture buffs prepare to " Jizzz in yo pants...." -a la SNL










































































































Aiight, now that the architecture buffs are satisfied...this is all for my peeps in the north either DC with that east coast winter..... or London town with that London summer....or anywhere cold for that matter :-P

Sea side...palm trees....villas...and murals...


















































































































































































Well thats it for now....and no those villas are not where I live.

I'm out like Google from China (educate urselves--> bbc news homies)...
-Peayce!

Ch Ch Ch CHANGES

Well.. as most of know....I am moving to MOZAMBIQUE!!
So in honor of these changes I have done a pretty terrible job at trying to update my site to a better template in honor of a better yr.

As I am still in transit I have no crazy stories to tell as of yet...but i have memories of the past few weeks and then some...

Fav Kenya Memory:

Beza aka Arch Nemesis: "D as in Dildo"

amongst many other memories...but for some reason that one sticks out...note the pun.

DC Memories over the past few weeks
~*~*~*~
Father's advice on meeting a girl:
"Maybe you will meet a girl who needs her papers"...apparently its become this bad.
~*~*~*
Shreya...aka best navigator of 2009

Navigation system: TURN RIGHT
Me: Uhmm where do I go again?
Shreya: Turn LEFT
Me: I thought the navigation system said turn RIGHT
Shreya: YES but AFTER the LEFT

15 mins of getting lost later...

Shreya: uhmmmmmm

~*~*~*~*
Fav Roadtrip memory with Reg and Matt

Me: I think I am nauseous
Reg: Really??
Me: *Proceed to Barf in Reg's Car*

--Note Hookah and Wendy's do not mix---
~*~*~

Fav Immigration memories..

"Please note your file is now located in San Fransisco"

WTF!!

~*~*~


Least favorite memory/current situation...trying to get over my hatred of public restrooms...


I am out like legwarmers were in the 80's but might come back again 20 yrs later some a bizarre reason
-Peayce.!